Null

You ginger cunt.

and can’t stand the depths of the sea 

admiring minds pluck the knowledge from a tree

Your life is just patterns and sequences 

repeat history repeat her story 

You’re nothing, a nobody, a joke to everybody

A walking punchline with no reward of laughter 

Your emotions, just words that cause feelings to stir

Blur out the lies because memory is a fickle thing

Remember all the bad, embrace all the sad

I’ll see the smile and know it was all worth while

Exit your life and pour out the lies 

Drink down your memories and place no worth in sympathy 

Because your empathy is lacking any sense of honesty 

What’s faith lost in the hands of a fate

ticking hands and pointing needles 

lost all strength in clinging hands

You’re careless, you’ve caught this, I hate it when you’re honest

I’ve lost all I’ve lost from disease and all exhaustion

You don’t deserve to feel hopeless and heartless

Light the fuse, let it go, watch it explode

The glass heart shatters sharp splinters 

pierce the emotions I thought I owned.

Cauterize with caution I’m hoping it’s gone

Can’t it be long gone or is karma really just wrong

this time, this time, why just this time.

I tried.

You?

Probably.

Probably not.

Not me.

Life is a collection of moments that lead you to where you are and who you will be. If you’re a pretentious pompous cunt who feels the need to pontificate how wonderful and great your life is, does that mean it really is so great?

I have had nothing to say for some time, I cleared up all my court cases, paid all my bills and my record will be clean in November. I’ve had a clean bill of mental health for sometime. Sanity is a tangible thing that can slip from our grasp when we are emotionally damaged.

I don’t let others carry weight in my emotions anymore. I learned all it does is allow me to point a finger and cast blame when problems arise that I should solely be responsible for.

Friends? What are those? I have those that matter in my life.

I have my music, I’ve taken to doing a lot of vocal warm ups and I actually have a singing voice that isn’t nails on a chalkboard anymore (doesn’t mean its amazing either.)

I miss my cousin with each passing day, I stay in his room now. I’d trade that back to have him here with me yet again.

My relationship with my father is the best it’s ever been.

Life has been bliss, I have no complaints. Have great sex. Eat good food, stay in good health.

I’ve been smoking cigarettes for nearly 11 years. In the immortal words of Filthy Frank “it’s time to stop.”

Life is good though.

Not that I need to brag to all y'all, not like I hunger for attention and have no social life so I need online validation.

I’m not that pathetic.

Like everything and everyone, I’ve moved on.

Wish things were different. I’ll never understand why things are the way they are. I know I have only myself to blame, couldn’t come up with the resolve to be stronger. I collapse underneath my own hubris. I can’t change the past but only hope to smile in the future and grow to be something different. My mistakes are great and while a lot of things are out of my hands…I miss those who were a bright light that remain positive memories in my mind.